Transform your worrier into your warrior through the ”Triple A” approach.

The First A is Awareness – Becoming aware of how and what you worry about is key to recognizing where you need to shift your energy.

Do you silently shoulder the weight of the world, internalizing stress until you explode? Or, are you dumping your negative baggage on anyone within earshot about your troubles? Or, perhaps, you are somewhere in between. What do you primarily worry about: finances, relationships, aging, being a great parent?

Raising your level of awareness about what you worry about and the ways you express or suppress your worry is the key, first step to transforming yourself from a worrier to warrior. After all, nobody lives in your head, perceives the world the way you do, or knows what you need more than you do. The gift in owning your worry is that you not only take responsibility for it, but you have the power to change it too.

The Second A is Attitude – Attitude is made up of what you think and feel. Are you naturally drawn to seeing the glass half empty or half full? Do you believe you can influence the outcome of the choices you make in your life? Choosing an attitude with “winning” in mind is just as easy as choosing an attitude with “failing” in mind. The difference between the two is simply a matter of training your mind for solutions, actions, and positive outcomes rather than defeat, unhappiness, and stress. Often times, it appears that society seems to revel in negativity. However, your own attitudes regardless of outside influences are the key to living like a warrior.

My client, Fred is a perfect example of using his attitude to live powerfully. Thus far, Fred has had several major challenges in his life, which could have easily caused him to take on the role of a helpless victim. He sustained a gunshot wound while in the army in the 1960s, has had kidney failure with a subsequent kidney transplant, and went through a divorce. In addition, he has been advised that he may need another kidney transplant within the next few years.

“Don’t worry,” he said to me. “I have friends lined up who have offered me one of their kidneys.”

Fred is also a well-respected businessman, a multi-millionaire, and paid cash for his brand new Mercedes. He has a sign on his home’s front deck that says, “It’s all good.” Fred and I were talking about his approach to life. I asked Fred how he developed such a positive attitude.

Fred responded, “You gotta go with the flow of life. Keep your mind focused on your best outcome and then focus on your best outcome becoming something even better. “

I asked Fred, “For example, say somebody’s car breaks down and they are worrying about getting it fixed and what to do about it. How would you handle this problem?”

Fred laughed, “If your car breaks down, ride the bus, hitchhike, borrow a car, rent a car, fix the car, get a bike, or buy a new one – doesn’t have to be a new one, unless you want it to be.”

Fred approaches all of his life situations like this. He sees numerous ways to solve a situation. He adapts well. Fred teases, “It’s planet of the apes out there, better make sure you have bananas in your briefcase. “

Time to choose your attitude. What bananas will you keep in your briefcase? Will you adopt an it’s-all-good attitude? Here are a few transformative warrior questions I like to apply to worrisome areas of my life: How can my greatest challenges be my greatest opportunities?, How can I grow from this situation?, What new skills can I learn to improve this area of my life? What are your empowering questions?

The Third A is Action – Action involves implementing steps to address your areas of worry. Action planning is an important process that will help you focus your ideas, decide what steps you need to take, and handle your situations.

I suggest you write down your areas of worry, one-by-one. It helps to write out a list even if you don’t know how to resolve the challenge. Just putting the worry down on paper is worthwhile. The solutions come with the right attitude. When looking to handle worrisome areas of life, go to the source of the problem. Handling the source of the problem may involve establishing new boundaries, an automated system, telling the truth, or building a stronger sense of self-esteem.

Consider this story. Sally wasn’t able to pay her bills in a timely manner. Every month she worried about paying her rent. Following the Triple A process, she identified money as being a huge worry in her life. She suppressed her worry fears by staying up late watching movies, avoiding her issues. She didn’t talk about it much or exhibit outward signs of stress. Every day she showed up at her job feeling internally stressed by having chosen a job that underpaid, underutilized, and overlooked her true strengths and potential. After her awareness heightened, working at her old job was almost unbearable.

Sally tried on an it’s-all-good attitude, empowering herself by accepting her situation. She didn’t make a big deal out of the situation or make up a story that she was trapped for life in her dead-end job. She made a list of her worries: Not earning an income commensurate with her talents, overspending, and not having a budget. Now, she was ready to get to the source of the problem. The problem was not the job. At the source of Sally’s money issues was her self-esteem. Sally didn’t believe she deserved to make more money or that her talent was valuable. She questioned herself, “How can I make the best out of my present circumstances? Where do I need to learn and develop my skills?”

Sally proceeded to write out a plan to go back to school to develop her natural talent as a graphic designer. Then, she looked online for books, blogs, and free resources to help her grow her self-esteem. Finally, she wrote out a spending budget following the tips from a free website she found on obtaining financial freedom. Sally now feels good about having taken positive action. Can we learn from the steps Sally’s taking?

Are you ready to put the Triple A approach to the test? Make a commitment to identify, act, and transform the worrisome areas of your life. What are your thoughts? Put to test the Triple A approach and write in to tell me what you discover…

While worrying is a preoccupation with possible past, present, or future bad events, “warrioring” is a mental discipline, which focuses on possible positive future events.  Worrying is a type of thinking which creates fear, unproductiveness, and stress.  “Warrioring” is a type of thinking, which creates empowerment, strength, and health.  Which are you?

Most often we are a combination of both warrior and worrier.  I find this exciting.  With awareness, practice, and training, worry mode can steadily be switched to warrior mode.

Here is an example moving from worrier to warrior.

Last week, I caught myself in worry mode. The area, where I live and work, was temporarily contaminated. Toxic air pollutants from local sugarcane burning plagued the air.  Maui is notorious for its picturesque landscapes filled with endless acres of sugarcane.  While the fields are beautiful, the process of harvesting them is not. Harvesting cane on Maui involves lighting the entire field on fire.  The result is air filled with burning pesticides, plastic, and sugarcane.  Indoor and outdoor environments are affected.

Living less than 300 feet from the sugarcane fields, my home and work environment were uninhabitable for several days during and after the burning.  This is the first time I have lived so close to the fields during the burning process. The toxicity in the air caught me totally by surprise and, thus, unprepared. At first, I suffered by staying in the area, worrying about my health, and trying to maintain a regular work schedule.  After enduring this situation for approximately 24 hours, I realized I had to take charge and become a warrior to champion my own health and those of my clients as well as make other arrangements for my usual routine, at least for the time being.

The warrior in me needed fresh air, perspective, and a new outlook.  I headed to a forest preserve 30 minutes from my house where I went hiking to clear my mind.  Within an hour, I could feel the cleansing effect of the clean air, the power of blood pumping in my body, and a renewed clarity to my thinking.  I shifted my worried thoughts of losing work, time, and money because of having to cancel appointments with some of my clients and the interruption of a few projects to focusing on some of my most important goals.

I guided my mind to think of My Best Summer Ever list. If you recall, this is the exercise where you list your top 25 activities, goals, and experiences you would like to do to make it your best summer ever.  At the top of my list was a trip to NY to visit family friends and coaching clients.  Another item on the top of my list was traveling to my hometown, Vail, Colorado, for my birthday in mid-July, which also happens to coincide with an Indigo Girl concert, another top 25 goal on my list.  First, my mind worried about having the time and resources to make these goals a reality.  Could I take the time off to travel? Did I have the resources saved to pay for travel expenses? Initially, I felt sad and overwhelmed at the thought of it not happening or having the ability to bring these goals to fruition.  Then, I noticed myself focusing negatively.  My goals certainly wouldn’t come to fruition by focusing on what I didn’t want. I encouraged myself to shift.  I asked myself, what would I need to do to make this a reality?  How much would I need financially to make it happen?  How much time did I want to take off?  How could I plan my schedule to effectively work with my phone-coaching clients while traveling? The picture of my desired outcome became crystallized with each step.

Next, I focused on the details of how much money the travel portion would cost.  Once again, I observed myself, initially, focusing on what I didn’t have.  Good ole’ worrywart, it’s hard to leave home without her. Then I flashed on last week’s blog post, Money Is Not The Answer.  I remembered money solutions are first arrived at through creativity and knowledge.  How could I use my creativity and knowledge to create the resources for my trip?  Immediately, I had a vision of developing a specialized daily coaching and wellness program for my NY client whom I wanted to visit.  I focused on adding value to his life.  How could I help him create his best summer ever? During the rest of my hike, I developed a plan that would support my client’s goals, and mine. The warrior in me felt purposeful, healthy, and focused by the end of the hike.

After the hike I logged onto the computer, emailed a proposal, and patiently waited for a response.  A week later, my proposal was accepted.  My client said, “Give me your desired travel dates, and I will have my assistant book your ticket.”  Next, he asked, “Is there anywhere else you would like to stop over while on your way to NY?”

I replied, “Why, yes. I would like to spend a few days in Colorado.”

He said, “Great.”

I now have a first class ticket to Denver, a ticket to the Indigo Girls concert, and a trip to NY settled.

This is the power of moving from worrier to warrior!

Experiencing fear is a part of the human design. Thank God for fear; I mean seriously. It keeps us from lollygagging in the middle of a busy freeway and reclining on a hot stove. However, often times fear is invoked in our body and mind mistakenly. In the face of recent world tragedies, learning to alchemize fear is absolutely essential to your wellbeing. The forgotten magic is so simple you may guffaw. Just remember the proof is in the pudding. Put to practice these six steps and see what happens for you.

1. Slow Down – Revisit the way you pace your life. Moving hurriedly, overbooking your schedule, and racing from one thing to another activates your fight or flight system. Once your body is in fight or flight you become more susceptible to “fits” of fear. Daily chaos happens. However, if your lifestyle is built upon drama and disorder, fear can overtake you like an invasive weed. Make time to rest, prioritize self-care, and plan for your wellbeing.

2. Be Present – Get present. Be in your body. Notice with all five senses what is happening in the moment. Try this:

• Feel the feeling of air on your skin.
• Notice the sensation of your clothes against your skin.
• Feel the ground below you.
• Listen to the sounds around you.
• Look at the environment around you.
• Visually memorize your immediate surroundings.
• Close your eyes. Try to describe what you just saw and state it out loud.

Getting present will help you to be in present time. Present time is where all the answers reside. Here you can take action on what needs to be done rather than worrying about it.

3. Breathe Deeply – Breathing is the magic switch to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, aka your relaxed nervous system. Deep breathing will help you turn off fight or flight activity. Shallow breathing deprives the body of adequate oxygen leading to lack of mental clarity.

• Place your hands on your belly.
• Inhale.  Expand your belly like a balloon.
• Exhale. Deflate your belly.
• Repeat for a count of five as you inhale and seven as you exhale.
• Practice this sequence for 5 minutes

4. Empathize Don’t Compare. Empathy is the ability to be wholly present with another’s experience without the judgment. Interestingly many people mix up empathy with fearful thinking. Imagine empathizing like having a full glass of water, which you overflow to those around you. Loving thoughts, like water, flow from you to the person, place, or thing you are empathizing. Whereas fearful thinking is relating to another’s circumstances and then thinking how horrible it would be if it happened to you, your loved ones, and/or environment. This thought process insidiously drains all the water from your glass. Your body and soul are designed to manage your life circumstances. People may look at your life challenges and think “I could never deal with that!” and it’s true. That is why they aren’t. You will have every ounce of resource to deal with what comes your way. It is a part of your destiny. Separate empathy from fearful thinking.

5. Master Your Media Intake – Media literacy is paramount. Isn’t it odd that meteorologists take pride in their accuracy and headline copyrighters gloat on fearful messages? Can you imagine a weatherman hyping up a possible tornado in order to sell more newspapers? It would be preposterous. Participate in daily life by consciously choosing where you obtain your information. Evaluate, analyze, and develop critical thinking to competently interpret what you are reading, watching, and hearing. Thousands of messages a day bombard us making it easy to be manipulated due to sheer overwhelm. Media messages, which offer a misrepresentation, intended or unintended, due to lack of in-depth understanding or knowledge about the topic being reported, are damaging to your mental-emotional wellbeing. The role of mass media in constructing views of reality can seriously work against your feelings of wellbeing and safety.

Headline campaigns are designed to activate the reptilian brain. A reptile will eat its own young. When you are in your reptilian brain, the world appears as a “dog eat dog” world. The world becomes something to be feared. The mammalian brain, the higher brain center is recruited through things such as meditation, breathing, connection to loved ones, being present, etc. A mammal would die for its young. You get the point? If you are in fear, you will treat others fearfully and vice versa. It makes for quite a tense world. If you are in your higher brain centers and present, you will be inspired to connect, give, love, and share. Making for joyful worldly interactions.

6. Face Your Mortality – If you’re a seminar junkie, like me, chances are you have gone through an exercise where you pretend it is your last day, week, or month of your life. This exercise is meant to inspire you to take action in your life to let go of what you don’t want to be doing, engage in what is most important to you, and re-connect with any areas of your life that are a “mess” to clean up. It is possible you may have paid thousands for this experience. Guess what? Now is the opportunity to make the dance of your mortality the utmost of importance. We each harbor creative potential waiting to be unleashed to transform the collective. If you are droning in a day job, stop it. Take action. Face your mortality. With reverence, seek the preciousness of your life and do the work that is most important to your soul. Seek forgiveness where you need to, take the risk to do your life’s work, and give up being unconscious. If this were your last month to be alive, would you be at peace in all areas of your life? If not, take action to clear up these areas now.

Take time to implement each step. Consider making the changes in your lifestyle to slow down, breathe, get present, empathize, release fearful thinking, master your media intake, and face your mortality, see what happens. What steps do you suggest to alchemize fear?

In this time, I ask myself a series of guiding questions to determine if I am spending my time aligned with my higher self or if I have I slipped back into habitual habits such as people pleasing, over working and over scheduling.

I reflect on how much fun, joy and celebration I feel in my daily life versus obligation, pressure and stress. I aim to live a life where my joy meter is full on a regular basis. Financial success, in my book, is equally measured with laughter, fun and affection. If I discover pressure and stress outweighing fun and joy it is time to make some life changes. Purposeful living requires conscious redirection over and over.

Where are you at? Have you taken time for contemplation recently? Where is your joy meter? Is your tank full or empty? Does fun and celebration outweigh stress and obligation in your life? Here are a few questions to help you on your contemplative journey.

1. Do you the end a day of work feeling more or less alive?
2. Do you find it easy to smile?
3. How often do you laugh in a day?
4. Do you forget to breathe?
5. Are you constantly rushing?
6. Would you do what you were doing professionally even if you weren’t paid?
7. Do you say no when you need to?
8. Do you know and enforce healthy boundaries for yourself?
9. When is the last time you took an afternoon off to relax and do nothing?
10. Do you ask for help when you need it?

Give yourself the gift of an inner journey and time for self-reflection. Measure your success in smiles, laughter and loving connections often. Schedule your self-care as one of your top priorities. Contemplate making the necessary changes to bring your joy levels and stress levels back in balance.

Today was my initiation swim. As luck – or divine intervention – would have it, I was invited to swim Maui’s north shore coast with a pod of local swimmers.

When I was introduced to Max, one of the leaders of our pod, I didn’t know he was a treasure hunter. In fact, I didn’t know anything except for the glaringly obvious – a brilliant smile and one missing arm. I immediately wondered what had happened to his arm and how he managed such a happy demeanor.

I quickly learned that our swimming expedition would begin with a ceremony led by Max. I had no idea what to expect but did as the others did, following their lead.

The seven of us gathered, standing like a military front facing the ocean. On Max’s call, we bent our knees, bowed towards the ocean, and swung our one arm – flipper in hand – high into the air twice, all while making singsong like sounds praising the ocean. We moved in unison to the left, repeating the song and flipper cheers, then circled together to the right, to the left and back to our starting position.

I was captivated, a bit confused, and entirely amused by our ocean ceremony. And then Max told us about the imaginary treasure we would be searching for on our swim. I was befuddled and delighted. “Treasure?” I thought. “I love the imagination in this group.” I giggled on the inside. “Treasure! Sure, I’m game. I will look for a treasure. It’s not everyday I receive an invitation like this!”

With our playful mission at hand and Max at the helm, we headed into the ocean. The current was in our favor leading us easily to our treasure. It wasn’t a pot of gold resting at the bottom of the sea. It was something more precious than gold. It was the tenderness of our human connection itself. Each of us kept and eye on the other, we gave each other space but not so much space anybody was left behind. If one of us accidentally got turned around, accidentally swimming to sea or in towards the shore another swimmer would be sure to get us back on course.

Within the hour we arrived at our destination, the south end of the beach. Before we swam for shore, a closing ceremony was held.

We circled up, treading water, and Max began to yell at top volume. The others immediately joined in. I recognized this vocalization, made for therapeutic reasons, helping to release pent up emotions from daily stress. So, here in the ocean off Maui, we swimmers hollered until our thunderous sounds subsided, and we then launched into voluminous laughter. We were a cackling group of water hyenas, now implementing laughter therapy, each one of us outdoing the other with our belly laughs. Waves of laughter rolled through the group until it was time to head back to land.

After our swim, I discovered that Max had been a known treasure hunter, highlighted by National Geographic. Two years earlier, his life came to a sudden halt due to a boating accident, which completely severed his right arm from his body. At the time, he was given a less than five percent chance of living. Yet, here he was, having just led us on a magnificent treasure hunt in the warm Pacific waters.

Being in Max’s presence, I was deeply touched and somehow changed, perhaps permanently, by his courage, presence and heart. While, I have never lost an arm, my own life has come to its own sudden halts due job lay-offs, financial debt, tax audits, debilitating injuries, family deaths and estranged friendships, to name just a few. Some of these have felt like emotional dismemberment; my sense of self, of others and my understanding of life itself had been momentarily shattered.

No matter the challenge, however, I have walked through the fire of each to come out the other side stronger, more grounded and humble. If I may borrow from Max, life is a journey, a quest for the unexpected treasures.

Here are some of things I learned on along my swimming voyage today.

Share your challenge: Develop a “life” support team. This takes time, discernment and patience. Believe me, it is well worth the effort.

Humans are social creatures by nature. We are designed to heal through community, and the support of others is essential to facing our uncertain times. A missing arm is next to impossible to hide. It literally speaks for itself, alerting others that a great challenge is at hand.

Many of our challenges, however, are not so apparent. Relationship stress, financial challenge, and healthy problems are not as easy to spot. In fact, we are often shamed for not being “strong enough” or able to figure out our lives. As a result, we hide our truths. By keeping secrets, we sabotage ourselves. When we share our truth we become empowered. Truth needs to be shared in order for us to overcome and evolve through our life difficulties.

Select teammates that are non-judgmental, compassionate, good listeners and who are willing to share their own vulnerabilities. Reach out to professional counselors, holistic practitioners, support groups, and specialized organizations who can help you to address your specific challenges.

Let go of self-judgment: Self-judgment acts like a knife severing our connection to the divine and our feelings of worthiness; it masks the beauty of who we truly are. By experiencing challenges, we can become more of who we are. We can become more talented, creative, humble and savvy, if we choose.

Media often depicts examples of unhealthy ways to handle fear. We watch actors freak out, scream, become abusive, ingest drugs, suck down alcohol and, in general, become raving maniacs.

This model of resistance is fairly ineffective in real life. It promotes pain, confusion and more fear. Instead, accept the situation for what it is without judgment. Instead of thinking you are an idiot, assert positive thoughts such as, “I am learning everyday. It is healthy to make mistakes. I make better and better choices each day.” Apply loving thoughts regularly and your path to healing will unfold.

Express your emotions: If you feel scared, let it out in a wholesome, beneficial way.

Have you ever considered road rage isn’t about being stuck in traffic? It’s about unexpressed emotions being stuck in our systems, hitting a “boiling” point, and then wham! we are triggered by traffic and our volcano of fury explodes.

Prevent destructive emotional breakdowns by choosing healthy activities that help you release your fear and stress before boiling over. Dance, scream, laugh, cry, jump up and down, do cartwheels. Paint, write, draw, hug, kiss, make love, roll down a grassy hill. Do what ever you need to do to express your emotions.

Discover the humor of your situation: Ever watched live comedy? Then you know what I am talking about. Professional comedians bring humor to every, and I mean every, situation. Comedic perspective is a worthy talent to develop.

What is the unique humor of your situation? I am curious whether Max ever thought he would be surrounded by friends trying to put on his swimming flippers for him. It’s not funny that he can’t do it on his own anymore. But, it is hilarious to watch a group of adults try to successfully place his foot in a mischievous rubber fin while the surf is slapping at them.

In ancient Greece, theatres were built next to hospitals so patients could attend comedies and laugh. Comedy can also come from within. Laughter Therapy is fun, easy to do and free. Go on, start laughing. Make the physical sounds, gestures and actions you make when you laugh. I recommend laughing freely, loudly and often!

Develop compassion: Nobody is immune to the unexpected twists and turns of life. We will all experience our fair share of trials and tribulations. Compassion is a container in which we can hold it all without making ourselves wrong or right. Our experiences are simply that – our experiences.

Whether your loss is an arm, a parent, your life savings, or your job, we will all undoubtedly have to deal with the challenges and fears of being faced with the unknown. Thankfully, we don’t face them alone, or without laughter and compassion. And if you need a little extra magic to get you through, go on a treasure hunt. You can go on a treasure hunt everyday if you wish. No invitation needed.